It's been almost a year since my last tattoo, though I've got a new design for my son's name that I'll be getting in a few weeks.  But I've noticed a change in my attitude about life since getting married and becoming a father, and it's hard to say whether it's good or bad.  I've found that I don't get excited about the less practical things in life like I used to, such as art, tattoos, etc.  I still enjoy a few hobbies, such as collecting heavy metal music, dabbling in sculpture and drawing, yoga, and working on a couple of writing projects, but the passion that I felt for art, home decoration, and tattoos has faded.  Of course it can be hard to find the right "crowd" to stimulate one's inspiration, but for me, it's more than just running low on inspirational fuel.

I've always been an aesthetically- and dramatically- minded person, and art, music, and movies were my life a few years prior.  Now I find that the energy, excitement, and effort that I directed towards these self-focused enjoyments have now been placed on my new family.  I still enjoy my old pursuits, but I can't justify spending as much money, time, and energy on these things like I used to.  And the things is, I don't really mind.  I'm not cynical and judging all impractical things like art as narcissistic and self-promoting but I now feel outside the scene that I was so immersed in before.

Now this sounds like a classic case of cool-dude-gets-a-family-and-becomes-boring syndrome, and perhaps it is to some degree, but I believe that as long as one finds enjoyment in one's life, the source of that enjoyment is irrelevant (unless of course it involves something perverse or illegal).  Seeing my family sleeping safe and warm brings me great happiness that otherwise would have been spent on myself.  People look at me and often assume I'm a hedonistic party animal, and I enjoy telling them about my simple, normal, domestic life.  The course of the river has changed, but the water remains the same.  And I think in a few years, I'll be able to appreciate the less practical things a bit more as well.

Mom, Dad, and baby are doing great.

On July 24, 2010, little Nolan Z Carver entered the world at 2.9 kg.  He was slightly premature at 35 weeks but he's looking good and we expect to bring him home soon.  Tina's doing great- the delivery only took 7 hours from water breaking to birth, and she's getting her strength back quickly.  The baby's beautiful, and that's not just me as a dad talking :-).  He's got a high nose and double eyelids but still has the Chinese softness in his face.  We're very happy and praying for smooth sailing.  Pictures and more info to come!

Everyone knows the streetwalker scene from "Full Metal Jacket," and to many Westerners, that's become the quintessential Asian image in their mind- sleazy, cheap, and readily available.  And if that's what you want, you certainly can find it.

From the male perspective, two central elements of a good time are beer and women- both of which are quite abundant in China.  Yet despite China's vast size, scenic diversity, and varied Chinese and expat population, most guys limit their entertainment to these two pursuits.  The beer is cheap, and there are throngs of women for all manner of amusements.  China seems like a man's paradise, and in some ways, it is.

When I first came to China in 2005, I was intoxicated by the girls and the nightclubs.  For the first three years, I was quite a party animal,  rockin' and rollin' at night and shaking off the mental cobwebs in the morning.  I was in a serious relationship for part of this time but even when I was single, it wasn't hard to find company.  After I moved to Xiamen, I met the girl who would become my wife within weeks of my arrival, so my fishing days were over.  I would still enjoy boozy nights with her or with the guys, but after we got married and purchased a home, nights on the town soon became a luxury.  Actually, I began to lose interest in the club and bar scene, which seemed mostly for the purpose of hooking up, and since my train had already left that station, I felt a bit distant from that crowd.

Now with the baby's imminent arrival, my mentality has really changed and I'll rarely drink heavily these days, usually pulling the plug after three or four beers.  I don't know, I just don't feel it anymore.  I've had my fun and now it's time to make sacrifices for my family.  But it doesn't really feel like I'm giving anything up.  I look at my buddies fawning over their newest pretty plaything and pounding the bars every other night and they look genuinely happy and I'm happy for them too, but for myself, I like my more moderate mentality.  Everyone's got their own flavor and I'm not going to judge anyone as being irresponsible or sleazy, because we've all been there are some stage of our China journey.  I just wish there were more entertainment options besides boozing it up and chasing tail.  For all you guys in cities with decent music and art scenes, consider yourselves lucky. 

As for me, I've learned to really appreciate a nice cold beer and some spicy barbecue on the beach.  I'll take that over a throbbing discotheque any day.

As a university teacher, I'm on the forefront of Chinese young peoples' awakening to the world.  In grade school and primary school, their lives are a bland regimen of study and androgynous uniforms and prohibitions on dating.  Once they get to college, they realize that the hard part is over, their parents aren't breathing down their necks, and they can wear and do whatever they want.  And they do.

Of course, with each successive generation, the previous generations grumble in their beards about the current generation's lack of morals, fashion sense, social responsibility, etc.  And looking at the current generation, dubbed the Post-90's generation, they certainly appear more open, flamboyant, and narcissistic than previous generations.  But are they really?

I'm at the age where I still remember my teenage years clearly but I'm also experienced enough to realize that most of the issues, angst, and turmoil that I and all other teenagers went through was mostly lame crap, but when we were teenagers, we couldn't see beyond ourselves and trivial issues were all-consuming to our self-focused minds.  Our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, ad infinitum went through this too, and the current generation in China is also going through this.  They simply have more tools to indulge their narcissistic tendencies and more opportunities for rebellion.  The sauce changes but the dish remains the same.

So next time you see someone who looks like this walking down the street, remember that you went through the same fog of youth.  It doesn't mean that everything is okay, but we were all in the same boat once, and in the end, it always sails to the same destination, no matter what the old geezers say.

My wife will give birth to our baby in late August, and it's been an interesting seven months so far.  A few minor scares here and there, but for the most part, it's been pretty smooth.  That's easy for me to say,though, since I'm not the one with constant back pain and swollen feet :-).  I've tried to be very sensitive and attentive to her and I can tell that I've made her feel very secure and even beautiful during this fragile time.

One thing that I am continually thankful for about my wife is her emotional balance.  Yeah she's a girl and all girls get emotional now and then, but compared to girls I've dated before, my wife has a very good handle on her emotions.  Of course, pregnancy brings the hormone onslaught and it's easy for an even-keeled woman to go all loopy, but I've fortunately been spared any tempestuous outbursts of mama-bear fury :-).

Yet one emotional battalion that takes a serious hit during pregnancy, especially for beauty-conscious Chinese girls, is confidence.  Of course I've always told my wife she's beautiful, and before she was pregnant, she believed it, but as the kilograms start to add up, now she needs much more reassurance, especially with my job as a university teacher surrounded by slender (and very hormonal) students.  In China, husband's infidelity is unfortunately a cultural fixture, and my wife tells me that several of her friend's husbands strayed while they were pregnant.  My wife doesn't expect that I would follow the same path, but at the same time, she's a girl, and girls' minds are a whirlwind of doubts and worries.  Actually, to be honest, my wife is still pretty freakin' hot compared to the other pregnant ladies waddling around, and any man who cheats on his wife while she's at her most vulnerable, such as during pregnancy, must be the most wretched scum alive.  But even still, I continually remind my wife that she's still beautiful and still the apple of my eye as I massage her swollen feet, and I know she believes me.

Like I said, I'm an American.  Soccer (or futbol) has never been on my radar, and actually until I moved to China five years ago, I had never watched a complete professional game.  When I visited Hungary as a teenager, I watched some beefy farmers duke it out in a soggy farm field, and that was hardcore.  Professional football...meh.

I know by virtue of the fact that I'm American and pre-disposed to not liking football, my opinion is worthless, but the purpose of blogs are for people to display their worthless opinions to the world.  So here's my opinion: football is kinda boring to watch, really fun to play, but requires far too much patience to enjoy.

Let me break it down.  Football is a simple sport.  Run and kick the ball- that's the basic gist.  Now don't get your knickers in a twist- I didn't say it was easy.  In fact, it's incredibly hard to play well.  Hell, these dudes on TV are the cream of the crop and most of them spend 90 minutes running and sweating with nothing to show for it.  Football requires immense talent and endurance, but that doesn't mean it's fun to watch.  The action is pretty constant, but monotonous, with occasional moments of "whooOOOAAA...ohh..."  When a goal is finally scored, it's a big release of tension and aggression but these moments are too few and far between.

The field is so damn big, and the sweeping camera pans make the action seems slow and tedious.  If there was an on-field cameraman, that would be sweet.  And don't get me started on the vuvuzelas, the damn horns that the locals insist on blowing for the whole match.  South Africa, no one's slamming your culture or identity, but these jumbo kazoos are annoying.  Where are the chants, the songs, the taunts?  Oh right, drowned out by the vuvuzelas.  Yawn.

But wait, Mr. Stereotypical American Hater, what about all your boring American sports, like baseball?  I concede that baseball is boring to watch as well, but it is also multi-faceted and the strategy is much more important.  American football is sissy compared to rugby, I'll admit, but at least it's not boring (usually).  And who can hate on basketball?  That sport was invented for American's short attention spans.  NASCAR is monotonous and tedious, but the connection between Americans and cars transcends attention spans.  Perhaps that's an important reason why soccer never caught on big in the USA.  Americans aren't connected to their feet like other countries are.  Americans don't walk, they ride or drive.  Football is all about the feet, and Americans use theirs to press the gas pedal.

So that's my ramble.  Futbol is a simple game that requires too much effort for too little result.  I know I don't get it, but I don't really care.  I watch the World Cup when it rolls around, and I'll cheer for this or that team, but all in all, it's boring.  I think it's more about the hype than the actual game.  Look at the advertising- you'll see Ronaldo roundhouse kicking a bullseye goal shot while Powerade splashes in the background, but in the actual game, most goals are weak kicks or awkward head balls.  At least in American sports, you've regularly got soaring basketball dunks, monstrous baseball home runs, and American football players catapulting themselves into the end zones.  Much more visceral and aggressive, which, in my opinion, sums up the American experience pretty well :-).

Unlike in the USA, university students and tattoos don't often mix in China.  Part of it is the submissive attitude towards parents, as well as the cost, the pain, and the public perception that someone sporting a tattoo is trying to be "bad."

I have a come across a few brave souls, however, even in my own classes.  In one class, two students got tattoos this semester, and one of them got hers at the tattoo artist I frequent.  My student said that the tattoo guy asked her where I've been lately, since it's been a while since my last ink session.

I've also spotted a few of the more diva-inclined students sporting cute designs on their ankles or on their shoulder blades.  More often than not, one will encounter these students staying outside the school gates long into the night, drinking, smoking, and chatting with douchebag-looking dudes, thus further solidifying their "bad" perception.  But I don't judge.

I don't flaunt my tattoos in class and around campus, but the tatoos on my forearms are visible, and while they're a bit of a surprise to students during the first couple of weeks, after a while, they just ignore them.  Although I do see students doodling on their arms or fingers every once in a while.  And while I'd like to think that I'm inspiration for this yearning to be tattooed, I know that deep down inside, most people would get a tattoo if they had the money, the pain tolerance, and parental and social approval.  Just look at the SIMS computer game.  I've never played it, but every screenshot I've seen shows SIMS avatars sporting elaborate ink.  Ah, to dream...